One By Two – This soup goes cold midway….!!!!


In-case you were wondering before you watched the film, why the title ‘One by Two”, well that’s the famous way of ordering soup from where the film takes inspiration. And after you have watched the film, if you are wondering what is Abhay Deol doing in the film, then be rest assured, even I ventured out wondering the same. The man is known to be ultra selective about his work and the films he stars in come with the certain amount of credibility. But with One by two, Abhay goes horribly wrong. What’s more he has produced this film. Bollywood is growing up. It is gifting us mature stories, but at the same time, it comes up once in a while with pointless films which end up boring you.

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One By Two is one such film. It isn’t romantic, which you may think is different. The leads do not meet each other till the end of the film which again you may wonder aloud is different, but the cliched life of the leads stops interesting you half an hour into the film. Because after that, the film refuses to move ahead.

Coming from the writer of Jab Tak Hai Jaan, I expected a way better film. The problems the leads face in the film are neither explained properly, neither does the film have credible lines to save itself. In-fact the dialogues and music are the biggest sore points of the film. I guess Devika Bhagat ends up chewing more than she can swallow and she has been credited with writing the story, dialogues, screenplay and directing the film. Same can be said of Shankar Ehsaan Loy who are unable to come up with a single memorable song.

The story which made no sense to me was about a daughter battling her alcoholic mom and a computer engineer trying to break free out of his boring life so that his girlfriend takes him back. With two irritating sidekicks gifted to Abhay deol, the film gets more on your nerves.

Coming to the performances, Abhay Deol gives it his all but alas, he lacks support from the film as well as the other actors. Preeti Desai whose only claim to fame is being Abhay’s girlfriend makes a horrible debut but salvages some pride by dancing breathtakingly on screen.

Alas, all the chance One by two had of shining at the box office due to the poor performance of Jai Ho comes undone thanks to a story which never should have been okay-ed in the first place. This soup goes stale pretty soon!!!

Rating- 1.5/5

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Jai Ho- A.K.A Various Moods of Salman Khan!!


Every Salman Khan film is awaited with bated breath by millions of fans which the superstar has around the globe. And everytime, this Khan dishes out the same formula film after film. This act of playing to the gallery is what sends his fans into bouts of visual orgasms. Jai Ho is no different, but with a difference. Jai Ho is Khan’s most violent film in ages and also a film which has an intent.

The film takes the basic premise of Pay It Forward and gives it a Bollywood twist. The whole concept of not thanking a person who has helped you and instead helping 3 more people and continuing the chain is an idea which the director Sohail Khan truly believes in. Why else would he cast a bunch of failed actors in a role typically meant for extras? You get to see Genelia DSouza, Vikas Bhalla, Vatsal Sheth, Tulip Joshi, Nauheed Cyrusi, Ashmit Patel, Yash Tonk, Sana Khan, Sharad Kapoor, Pulkit Samrat, Mukul Dev, Bruna Abdullah, Suneil Shetty, Aditya Pancholi and Mahesh Manjrekar in 2 second roles. Yes, with that kind of a extra heavy star cast, Jai Ho is a like a burger overflowing with extra cheese. Salman Khan plays an ex army-man who apparently has become a car mechanic now. Talk about job degradation and in his spare time, he ends up bashing people. The plot is simple- Khan wants to change the world and he wants to do it his way.

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In the process, he punches, kicks, sings,. roars, shrieks and for good measure even weeps. But then he still has free time. So what does he do? He begins a romance with a new girl who is in the Sonakshi-Vidya mold only with a difference. There is more pancake on her face than her total screen-time in the film. But then when have Salman Khan films been about logic and attention to detail? This one though is a far superior film of Salman as compared to his recent money spinners simply because the film tries to highlight a message. That it fails miserably in doing so is another thing.

The music is so horrible that you desperately wait for the songs to end just when they have begun. The action is top notch and watching Salman punching different guys for half of the film’s runtime is pure fun. As for the performances, Salman gives a terrific all round performance and the rest of the cast manages to support him so that his performance stands out. Daisy Shah is good at making cute faces but seriously needs some acting workshops. But it was Tabu who still manages to look ravishingly beautiful and packs a punch every time she appears on screen.

Anyway, for bhai’s fans, reviews don’t really matter. They will watch the film anyway. And for Bhai haters, again reviews don’t really matter. They will not watch the film anyway. So, then as you really don’t have much of a choice this weekend, go ahead and get your dose of Bhaisms. Jai Ho!

Rating- 2.5/5

Yaariyan- T-Series ki Aag!!!!!


Long after I was done watching Yaariyan, I was still wondering how was this script green lighted in the first place? Ofcourse, there is nothing original in the film, not that I was expecting any. But the outright dumbness of the whole concept made me realize how lucky it is to be the producer’s wife. You can go ahead and create an absolute junk of a film, garnish it with foot tapping songs and actually get a decent opening weekend. But then, the tall claim made by Divya Khosla Kumar at the end of the film about being a mother and director and managing both the jobs simultaneously is a joke and I sincerely hope she is doing a better job at being a mother because as a director she isn’t going anywhere.

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Story you may ask. Well, surprisingly, the film has a story which involves the college dean picking the 5 most worthless students of the batch to salvage the college ground as well as the girl’s hostel, that too from an Australian businessman. Very conveniently, 3 competitions are held in Australia and 2 in India. Here again the director takes you for a ride and lands you in South Africa filling in for Australia. Budget issues, you ask? Anyway, one after one the silly competitions are bumped off and the hero ends up attracting every girl within a kilometer. Chick magnet, you see. Finally, India has to win and that happens after a round of desh bhakti, tamasha etc.

As for the actors, none of the newbies manage to leave an impact. The hero is too girly and all his efforts at being the macho-man look silly on screen. The girls are all variants of dumb blondes and actors like Deepti Naval and Gulshan Grover are reduced to sobbing throughout the film.

The only redeeming factor is of-course the songs which pop up at regular intervals, without any requirements. But the film has been well shot and the beauty of Sikkim is the only thing to look forward to, if you still want to watch the film after reading this review.

If you have absolutely nothing to do and really want to watch this film, I would still recommend watching Main Hoon Na and Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar back to back. At least you have seen it all earlier and know what to expect.

Rating-0.5/5

Miss Lovely- Utterly, Bizarrely, Lovely!!!!!


This gem was made close to 3 years back. Back then, Nawaz was still a struggling actor, Niharika Singh was an unknown face and no one really knew Ashim Ahuluwalia. Now, Nawaz is a name to reckon with, Niharika Singh is still unknown with a weird Himesh film being her only credit to fame and Ashim Ahluwalia has become a champion of parallel cinema. Blame it on the effect of Miss Lovely.

Miss Lovely is a weird film. Strangely bizarre and absurdly filmed, it offers a peek in to the horror sex industry of the 80’s, something which made the Ramsays the king of shriek times. But what went behind the stage was an open secret and Ashim reveals every aspect in graphic detail. In the midst of all that sleaze is a quaint love story which goes all wrong. Its that man Nawaz again who steals the show and makes Miss Lovely a magically surreal experience.

The story is about 2 brothers. One happens to be a director of sleazy C-grade films and the other dreams of getting away from the sleaze world and direct clean films. He falls in love with a girl and promises to make a clean film with her called Miss Lovely. The various challenges he faces to make that film and the simultaneous crackdown of law on the C-grade industry forms the crux of the film.

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The story has different layers to it and speaks about issues which still exist in the film industry. The narrative style is distinct and the production design is bang on target. The Bombay of 80’s has been recreated wonderfully and really helps in making the story believable.

The performances from the main star cast of Anil George, Nawazuddin Siddiqui and Niharika Singh are all top notch and help bring believability to the film. The director deserves brownie points for choosing such a unique subject and executing it sincerely. The music is also good and the cinematography by Mohanan is fantastic. He captures every frame with panache and leaves a grainy feel to make it appear aged.

Miss Lovely may not be a film which would end up as a classic. In fact, you may emerge out of it confused as to whether you liked the film or not. But it definitely is a brave effort and deserves a watch.

Rating- 3.5/5

Dedh Ishqiya- Dedh guna behtar than IshqiYa!!


Abhishek Chaubey had announced his arrival 3  years back with a smash of a debut. Ishqiya was a path breaking film in many ways. It showed a woman can choose to be manipulative if she wishes to and can go up-to any extent to achieve her goals. The firebrand trio of Naseer, Arshad Warsi and Vidya Balan had given jaw dropping performances back then. So, when the first promo of Dedh Ishqiya released, it had me zapped. Here was a erstwhile star diva returning to her playground along with a fiesty newcomer who has sizzled in the 3-4 odd films she has featured in. And yes, I mean Madhuri and Huma here. And as I came out of Dedh Ishqiya, i was left transfixed at the awe inspiring performances from all the cast members and the flawlessness of the film. Every frame has been shot painstakingly and every word has been written after much thought. This is what I call the advent of brave new cinema.

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Coming to the story, it continues the lustful adventures of Khalu and Babban (Nasseer and Arshad Warsi) as they go about looting shops and winning hearts. Nasseer sets his eyes upon Madhuri and does his all to woo and charm her. This process is what forms the backbone of the film, as like the good old days, there is a competition which has to be won and the winner will get a prize-the begum herself (Madhuri).  Add Arshad and Huma to the mix and you have a dish ready to be served.

What blew me apart were the dialogues. The clarity of language and the shariana andaaz works well, as the film is set in a nawabi ambiance. The game is bigger than what meets the eye, and the stakes are much higher this time.

The performances are incredible from the main cast members which includes Vijay Raaz who is phenomenal as the antagonist. As for Madhuri Dixit, hell i missed her all these years. She lights up every frame with her luminescence and Dedh Ishqiya is a treat simply for her acting prowess.

The music isn’t as popular as the last installment which probably is one of the reasons why the film hasn’t picked up, but going by the script requirement it is just right. Abhishek Chaubey is a director to look forward to and every work of his will be awaited with bated breadth and what can one can say about  Vishal Bhardwaj. The man composes, produces and writes for this film and ensures it turns out to be a masterpiece.

This is cinema for the senses. Taut, intelligent and fun at the same time. Go fall in Ishq again.

Rating-4.5/5